IQ Test for Free

The good news today is that you can take an IQ test for free. Yes, I am aware of the cultural and language biases of all IQ tests. For example, when a test says, “A saucer is to a cup what a placemat is to a _____________”, most Montana children will fail. A saucer is a sledding device and a cup is an athletic accessory for males, but what in the world is a placemat?

I am providing this public service because the legislature is in town and some of their actions are impossible to believe. More than one person has expressed that the level of intelligence in this legislature has never been lower with talk of a bill to fix a person’s sex by law, a bill to have the legislature interpret the meaning of laws rather than the Supreme Court, a bill to prevent people who have had a vaccine from giving blood, and a bill to prohibit employers, even hospitals, from requiring employees to be vaccinated. And no, those aren’t even close to being the dumbest ideas that have been proposed.

So why not require people to pass an IQ test before they can run for the legislature? Fine, but which one?

We can’t use the entrance exam used by my Rocky Mountain College for would-be freshman, which begins, “1. Write a mathematic statement that comprehends the weak nuclear force, strong nuclear force, gravity and electro-magnetism. Prove your answer.”

However, we could use the entrance exam we Rocky football players took. Bear in mind (nope, unintended) that for two years I played tight end and defensive end at 155 pounds, so you can see how the test didn’t screen many people out. As I recall it started this way:

(Multiple Choice)
1. Who is buried in Grant’s tomb?
A. Pres. Ulysses S. Grant
B. Amy Grant
C. Land Grant
D. Was the tomb raided?

2. Discuss the rise and fall of the Sumerian dynasty in the ancient Near East, paying particular attention to the evolution of their religion, economy, governmental structure, and agricultural practices, OR write your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

(True or False)
3. If Karen has five apples, and Bill takes two apples from her, and then Jenny gives her five oranges, who wants to go get a beer?

(Multiple choice, pick one or more)
4. Have you ever been outside of Montana?
A. No
B. Maybe, when we were drunk.
C. Am I in Montana now?

(The following question was only for football players who weighed less than 135 and could not kick the ball very far.)
5. A bus leaves Billings traveling at 55 miles per hour, bound for Chicago, which is 1230 miles away. Be on it.

So how did you do? That good? You could have played offensive line for us at Rocky in the ‘60s.

I called the Commissioner of Political Practices to propose this IQ test for would-be legislators, but he said they already use the test. People who fail it still get to be legislators and make laws that try to amend not only the Constitution but also the laws of science, common sense, and decency. Well rats.

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Rusty Harper is outrageously happy because he is retired and living with the love of his life, Pat Callbeck Harper in Helena, Montana. So why does he inflict these ramblings on the rest of us, you ask? Because you deserve it. If you aren't smart enough not to read this stuff, then you have to suffer through it. Maybe that builds character, though I doubt it. Think of all the positive things you could do with the time you are wasting on things that occur to me in the night and then sound strange even to me when I write them down in the morning. Bake a cake. Complain to your Senator. Run for Congress. Do something.
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