Pat and I are always asking “What day is it?” We don’t mean “Is it Tuesday or Wednesday?”, because we are retired so those days are meaningless to us. When you are no longer working, Monday is as good as a Friday. Maybe better.
No, we mean “What day is it?” in the sense of the truly special nature of each day, which can only be determined by reference to the holy grail of day naming, the Opportunity Bank Calendar.
For instance, today, Friday the 13th of January, is National Rubber Ducky Day. Fortunately, our little dog, Chica, has a sort-of-rubberish ducky so we can celebrate the day properly. Every day in the year has its own special official designation.
Pat’s birthday is Squirrel Appreciation Day, while our daughters’ birthdays are National Mario Day and National Cranberry Relish Day.
Some Opportunity Bank days are the same as traditional calendars. Thursday Nov. 23 is Thanksgiving Day, and Dec. 25 is Christmas, while September 19 is Talk Like a Pirate Day, and August 25 is National Kiss and Make Up Day.
Many days are devoted to animals:
Jan. 4 National Bird Day
Feb. 1 National Serpent Day
Feb. 2 Groundhog Day (When the Groundhog pops out of the hole, it is looking for serpents, not shadows.)
June 9 National Donald Duck Day
July 6 National Fried Chicken Day
Other days are clearly promotions for various products or industries, like National Pickle Day, National Eat a Hoagie Day, National Fried Clam Day, National Beer Lover’s Day, and National Fruitcake Toss Day.
A few days are more than national: World Radio Day, World UFO Day, and World Penguin Day.
I circled March 22 on our calendar: National Goof Off Day, but then realized that day would look about like any other for me.
We try to celebrate appropriately for every day if we can. For instance, on September 1, National Emma M. Nutt Day, (the first female telephone operator), we will call out for pizza. We are especially looking forward to Pretend to Be a Time Traveler Day (Dec. 8) and National Absurdity Day (Nov. 20, which is also my brother Steve’s birthday).
Some of the more skeptical among us might question who gets to name these days? For Pat’s birthday, Squirrel Appreciation Day, was that voted by some Squirrel Appreciation Society? Is there even a Peking Duck Association? Was National Blonde Brownie Day designated by hairdressers or chefs? I didn’t realize mothers had an organization to designate National Eat Your Vegetables Day.
Now that I’m looking at the calendar, there are some serious omissions. Where is the International Aardvark Lovers Day? There is no “Apologize to Your Spouse Even Though You Don’t Know Why Day.” I approve that January 20 is not Inauguration Day, but is Cheese Lovers Day. It would have been better to be National Sack Cloth and Ashes Day.
Even better, there should be several days during the year in which random individuals get to name the day rather than, for example, allowing the computer folks to grab May 25 for Geek Pride Day as they did for this year. Actually, the calendar doesn’t get printed without computers, so they probably get any day they want.
Stay tuned next year for International Do Really Good Things for Rusty Harper Day on May 17, 2018. I’m putting in my bid early.