Pat and I decided to keep our blood pressure down last night by not listening to the State of the Union address.
During the night, I had a ridiculous dream. It seems almost blasphemous to talk about ordinary dreams when you think about Martin Luther King’s powerful one, but here goes a rough version of my trivial one last night.
I dreamed that Donald Trump appeared before me as I was lying in bed, and we had this conversation.
President Trump: You missed the State of the Union last night. It was the greatest one ever. Everybody said that the next morning.
Me: It’s not the next morning yet, so you can’t be telling the truth.
PT: I tell the truth before it happens, and everybody makes it come true. Just watch Fox tomorrow and see. It was watched all over the world, and everybody said it was the greatest. Putin called me. He wishes he could speak like that. Ken Jung called me from Korea. He asked if he could use that speech for his State of Korea speech. I said he could as long as he added ‘with the help of my friend President Trump’ after everything he bragged about.
Me: This is a nightmare. I will try to wake up.
PT: You can’t, until you hear all the things I have done. I fixed the economy so it is the best ever. Even you can see that. I fixed taxes and the stock market. I fixed the national emergency on our southern border.
Me: There is no emergency on our southern border.
PT: Not anymore. Why do you think we had a government shutdown? That was so federal employees could help build the wall, along with the army. It’s done! And it surprised even me and I know all about walls. It is longer that the Chinese wall and goes right out into the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans on both sides. And it’s invisible! Yes, you can walk right into it and you fall on your back. I saw it.
Me: Okay, that actually sounds like a pretty good compromise.
PT: I destroyed ISIS. I got us back into the missile business so we have some real power again. I stopped Iran from getting the bomb. I got Mexico to pay for the wall. They said they’ll probably make it all back in tourist money from people who come to see it.
Me: You only want the wall to show your racist base that you are keeping out brown people.
PT: How can I be racist, when every brown and black and yellow and red person in America loves me because I got everybody a job who wants one? Turn on Fox; you won’t hear one single complaint. I tell you everybody loved the speech. Nancy Pelosi told me she has the hots for me, but she’s only a 2 and I only do 10s.
Me: This is disgusting.
PT: God approves of everything I am doing. I read the Bible more than anybody, and I am the one God sent.
Me: Now you are lying through your teeth. Jesus said, “It’s harder for a rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to go through he eye of a needle.” You have done everything for yourself and other rich people, which is the opposite of what Jesus did and taught.
PT: When you die, you don’t have money anymore, so there is no such thing as a rich man. But that doesn’t concern me.
(Then, in my dream, Trump took a Bible and opened it up to a bookmarked page in Leviticus.)
PT: Here it is right here. Did you know that there are lots of numbers in the Bible? It’s like a clock with big numbers for the hours and lots of little numbers for the minutes. It tells how long it will take to read that far.
Me: You don’t know anything about…
PT: To see what God thinks of you, you ask a question, and open up the Bible with your eyes closed and put your finger on the page somewhere. I asked God who was the greatest leader in the history of the world, and I opened here in this chapter with the funny name. And I read this verse: “All fat is the Lord’s.” And I knew he meant me. I am so smart and so religious that I can come to you at night to tell you about the best speech ever.
Me: I’m waking up now, but I’m not going to try that Bible study method. I’m afraid I would ask “What do I have to do to keep Trump out of my dreams?” and I would open to the verse that says, “Judas hanged himself.”